…because I’m poor now, what with not having a job, and can’t afford vowels. Not even sometimes Y.
So I’m sitting in Union Square park right now waiting for my roommate to get off work so I can grab a bite to eat. If you’re not unemployed, it’s not as fun as you think it would be. The job market is tough; no one’s really looking for anyone with my qualifications right now:
Previous Employment Experience
DOG PERSON (1994 – 2002)
-Specialized in the enjoyment of the company of dogs
-Assisted in petting of, combing of, and interaction with dogs
TICKLE MONSTER (1980-present)
-Optimized tickle time for various people within range of reach
-Organized regions of tickle within a torso-to-toe radius
WALKER (1971-2004)
-Walked places using optimal traveling routes
-Provided carrying assistance to co-walkers using strength and knowledge
Come on, people. Let’s get me hired.
In the meantime, come see me in a showcase for some college promoter:
Friday, August 25, 8 PM
New York Comedy Club
$15
It would have been $12, but the reservation hotline ended last night. Quit being lazy. OR, take this post to the past and use it there. But that’s the only place this coupon will work now. Sorry. Just come see me so I can tell my jokes at colleges.
Also, if you have a video camera, you should bring the hell out of it to tape me. Again, my lack of money prohibits me from paying you traditionally, but I will compensate you with warm, smothering hugs.
-MAL