Welcome to the Internet’s most popular game show and wine tasting, The Week That Was! Each week, I scour the news for stuff to make fun of. It either hits or it doesn’t. When it does, hey thanks. When it doesn’t, hey suck it.
Let’s begin!
The White House says President Bush plans to veto a bill that would extend hate crime protection to gays. When asked why, representatives responded: “Gays have rights; they have the right to get their queer asses kicked! Oh snap, WHAT?”
Florida announced that they will move up their primary date to January 29, so that the government will have more time to react to their screw-ups.
The Golden State Warriors eliminated the best team in the NBA in the first round Thursday night. This just in: The Golden State Warriors are actually in the playoffs.
Paris Hilton was sentenced to 45 days in jail for driving with a suspended license while on probation. These circumstances have allowed me to coin a new nickname for the heiress: America’s Deadbeat Uncle.
Secret Service has provided security detail for Barak Obama, making it the earliest in a campaign that the service has been provided. The service attibutes the early security to Obama being – you guessed it – a CYLON.
Several Washington politicians are scrambling for explanations after a former madam released a tell-all book describing their sex secrets. The number one request from most Republicans according to the book? “FUCK ME LIKE I’M IRAQ!”
AND FINALLY…
David Hasselhoff has begun filming himself while drunk, so he can see what he is like when he is sober. Video has leaked out, and critics agree: his drunkenness is overbearing and cheesy.
Have a great weekend.
-MAL
