Welcome again, to the most awesome thing to ever exist: The Week That Was! If you don’t enjoy reading this, I will come to your house and trick you into losing money on bogus stocks that line my pockets with your cash. That’ll learn ya.
Let’s begin!
Jerry Falwell, founder of the Moral Majority, passed away this week. Ouiji reports claim that Falwell plans on cleaning up heaven and make it a much more moral place.
Madonna released a charity single on Tuesday. All proceeds will go towards victims of the film “Swept Away.” (edited. Thank you, Mr. Bent.)
China announced Friday it is widening the yuan’s daily trading band against the US dollar, four days before US and Chinese senior officials meet in Washington to discuss ways to reduce trade imbalances. It is believed that trying to understand this will cause my eyes to cross.
XM suspended shock jocks Opie and Anthony this week, for comments made by a guest of their show that described sexually assaulting Condoleeza Rice. XM officials defended the suspension, saying, “sex has no place in discussions about assaulting Condoleeza Rice.”
Leader of the World Bank, Paul Wolfowitz, stepped down from his position on Friday, amid reports he gave a hefty compensation package to his girlfriend. Wolfowitz apologized, saying that he had momentarily thought he was a United States Congressman.
AND FINALLY…
A study reavealed that tomatoes DO NOT prevent prostate cancer. I should probably take them out of my ass, then.
Have a great weekend!
-MAL
