Here it is again, The Week That Was. Every week(ish) I cull the stupidity that is the news and force-feed you punchlines associated to said story. THIS, my friends, is why I’m hot. Also, I’m hot because I reference 6-month-old-and-already-dated shit-hop songs.
Let’s begin!
Looking for a boost in early voting, Hilary Clinton brought her husband Bill out on campaign stops in Iowa this week, since there are still plenty of middle-aged housewives he can seduce for votes.
The iPhone was released on Friday, and many tech junkies were immediately reporting problems, as the touch screen didn’t respond when covered in their semen.
The FDA has warned that Veggie Booty, a pirate-themed snack food, may contain salmonella bacteria, and should be thrown away. In defense, Robert’s American Gourmet, the makers of the snack, said they were only trying to make their customers more pirate-like.
A Canadian woman has frozen her eggs for her 7-year-old daughter’s use in the future, as the daughter is likely to be sterile. Once again, science saves not only a young girl’s hope, but inbreeding as well.
Ford and GM are reporting sales declines in the United States, which analysts believe is partly because of their newest models: The Ford Car-Bomb Coupe and the GMC Al Quaeda half-ton pickup.
AND FINALLY…
Independence Day was celebrated in the United States this week. President Bush said that, even though they are on the same day, he would not let the holiday affect his 4th of July plans.
Have a great weekend.
-MAL
